Ever got that feeling that you’re a complete mess? It’s like you want to set things right but nothing seems to end the silence? Being kept in silence or being left out in the dark probably IS the worst feeling you can experience. Making compromise is kinda easy but hard thing to do, because communicating the issue to get to the solution is the aim, not prolonging the problem then dwell to the abyss of the never ending argument.

People like to argue because they think about what IS personally right for each and one of them. To work as a unit takes more patience than ever expected. It’s a never ending process of engagements to produce solutions. People tend to stick to their problems but forgot that every problem had it owns solution. Building trust in reasoning to find out the solution is one step towards ending the arguments.

Compromising certain aspects is not something you can do in a blink of an eye. You need to hold your pants on certain boundaries, understanding that each and every individuals has different ways of processing information. Being familiar with the issue or the ‘why’ is the utmost important part of handling this particular situation. Arguments can arise just because you misunderstood what the other person is implying. At a split of a second what started to be a passive argument can turn into a violent spitfire. The blaming game started as the topic shifted from the initial problem into past and resolved problems. Hurting each other with words is the aim, to proof each person’s wrong doings, looking back and never resolving the problem at hand.

It’s a stalemate when the ignoring game is started. There’s no turning back, each person has to stand on his/her ground until one of them said ‘i’m sorry’ first. How ridiculous is that? Being a sentient being but taken over by emotions. It is not the matter of mind over body, but it’s the matter of mind over emotions. Putting aside the ugly feelings to sit in a common ground and talk things through. Quit making ridiculous assumptions about each other and start to say the truth. Try to keep an open mind to the situation in hand not about who is wrong or right, because in this situation, both of you can be wrong or right, depends on how you perceive it.

You don’t have to ask for a third party to walk things through or to assess the situation, both of you are enough. Remember why, at the beginning, the both of you got together. Remember why you work out your goals and why both of you started to work as a unit. Put aside personal feelings and let both of your logic do the talking. Stop the verbal assaults and the cruel gestures and both have a cup of tea. Try to create a comfortable situation and try to choose your words wisely, so there’s no more misunderstanding between you. This is not as simple as it seems, at first! When you are accustomed to this style of problem solving conversations, fight by fights, you will understand personally who the person in front of you is and try to compromise the differences. Wouldn’t it be sweet when people starts to conjoin their thoughts rather than taking their problem elsewhere in their separate ways. Basically our thoughts are interconnected, but we choose not to see the connections.

Heated Argument

Heated Argument (Photo credit: kurichan+)


building your dream (part 3)

How for would it takes to find something that suits you the most? What will you do when one day you are not certain about which way to take? Is it wise to try anything presented in front of you in a flick of a switch? This is the cliche between idealism and reality. One day i just wake up feeling lost and all alone. Me, a loner? Yes i am. I’m not proud about it but i love having alone times, just sit, contemplating and wandering on my thoughts imagining what life would be like out there, in the great cosmos. My universe is small, i kept it that way. I kept it organize, as long and as best as i can. I love to set my room into a minimal amount of clutter. The quiet spacious room, soft music and meditating.

I finally met someone at high school, i told her my feelings at graduation day and she rejects me, because it was a bit humiliating doing that in front of my classmates and teachers. The grieving goes on for two years when i met and adventurous soul, wandering, laughing and hopping around. We get along very well but she never had the guts to made up her mind. Then came along my high school reunion, my junior at high school, so adorable but she played the ‘survival of the fittest’ game, and i’m done. Some college fling but i’m over being friendzoned and that was it for me. I was nothing more than that ‘nice-guy-finish-last’ stereotype. Just not douchebag enough to be engaging or even challenging. I was like an open book. but then, what’s wrong being an open book? i highly regard honesty even if friends called me foolish for being like that.

Then came her. Well it was that kind of moment like you had it and it just clicked. The conversation was going well as we strolled through the chat for three straight months until i had the guts to ask her out. It’s a sink and swim situation, but the daredevil was strong within me, i just don’t care what she thought of me, as long as i felt right to told her how i felt. it paid off, finally on the second date we was official, changing the relationship status on facebook, well it’s kinda cheesy but i allowed it, besides it’s my first.

Then we had our first fight. It was ugly for me because i made her cry, but the second fight it was also ugly for me because i cried out of hating the feeling to fight with her when i should fought for her. It was our last year in college, and it was crazy. We done outrageous things and made memories. She graduated first and had a job in the city, while i graduated later and decide to help out in my hometown. It was super, our parents had met, nothing’s against us at the moment, well it was finally ‘it’ for me. Hey, what else could i asked back then, sure everyone ‘is’ perfect but flaws makes her real and i love to keep it real, not a romantic guy i am.

Years passed and i sense a stalemate developing in my last months with her. I’m trying my best to stay connected while i’m trying to make ends meet for our future plans. My job wasn’t a walk in a park. Surely working in an office will make you stressful but working  in a family business it will make several days in your months a living hell. You have to maintain A to D when checking up E to H and doing I to Y while not forgetting Z. It was not always alphabetical in order but it was hellish ordeal. Sadly i love challenges so i went head on. There’s something funny back then, she had this tantrums that i can’t figure why, the late phone calls were as good as never, if she doesn’t call first that is, it’s like her job and mine has get the best of her.

After her sisters wedding, comes the sledge hammer. She said it was not going too work out for her, it’s too depressing. I just stood there, hanging my thoughts on the phone, listening to the silent and her crying. I made efforts, truly i did, but she stands on her ground. I finally comply after meeting her in person not knowing what the matter was, but i am so certain back then that it was my fault. “don’t make a harsh decision. You can’t do anything once you realize what you had was gone forever” twas the last words i said to her in the car before i said farewell to her mother. It was a hard time. I try over and over to reason and reconcile by phone, by email, by anything to learn the harsh truth. When something was replaced by another you won’t keep both at the same place, because maintaining both things that has the same function and purpose would be just a waste of energy. Bridges are burned, lines are drew, there’s nothing i can do than to say goodbye. the toughest months began. swallowing the bitter pills of truth. Meditating, submerging myself in physical activities, hanging out, and moving out was the menu. I just lost it back then, along with my confidence.

It took hell of efforts to get back into the game. i wasn’t really sure about what i was doing, but i did it. I moved on. The ambiguity also moved with me. That daring person. At a quite young age, she had an old soul. With ravaging spirit she moves and charge anywhere she can, but we looked at different directions back then, but i like her guts. She’s bold, cunning and yet funny in a unique way. We were told we won’t make it but something pulls us closer, i’m not certain what was it but somehow she convinced me to have a go. So we did it. Slowly i regain my confidence. Slowly i felt my pride was kicking in. I was and still am grateful. I remember we just sat there in the car, just smiling at each other in that hot day, after training. She said that “this is ridiculous, we are ridiculous!” Well they say something happens for a reason, and it’s time for us to find out.” That little smile she made and her eyes somehow mesmerized me, there’s something about her that yet i haven’t found out, but that’s the thing the inner peace i’d missed for quite some time.

What i realize is that we never know what lies ahead because tomorrow is a mystery. I won’t get anything by moping on and on about my past even though i treasured it, but it’s gone, just figments of my memories. I just live on a day by day basis now, deconstructing myself and reconstructing the newer and better version of myself. I quit my job and taking on with the odds that life has offered me. My businesses are going well, i suppose. I’m doing my passion in writing and in silat. What i do now is doing not dreaming. My guru told me this, ” dream is for someone who sleeps, the reality is for someone who wakes up and try to achieve better goals in everyday.” i won’t forget this, “fortune only favors the bold.” Whatever you are facing, just hang on and climb that cliff, because once you climb you only look at the blue sky realizing how high you climb, not thinking how far you’ll fall.

the center of indonesia, before ‘the fall’

3 Ways Using A “Divide And Conquer” Strategy Can Solve Your Problems

Thought Catalog

The strategy of “divide and conquer” has been around for ages, most often connected with old military battles. Applying this time-tested military strategy to painful tasks in your daily life can help you experience the same success inferior armies used to defeat mightier ones.

Here’s how it works: when facing a superior opponent, the challenger must be broken down into smaller, manageable, and defeat-able segments. Instead of going head to head with a better adversary, it’s more like you’re going head to toe, or head to finger. You are not taking on the whole beast all at once. When you apply this same strategy to very difficult goals or tasks in your life, your path to success becomes a lot easier. For example:

1. Getting back on a fitness plan to lose X amount of pounds.

If you have been inactive for a very long time and want to get back into…

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What Every Woman Learns From Every Man

Thought Catalog

Having been friends with an unending number and dated my fair share, I can safely say with much confidence: there’s much to learn from the male species. While books with planets in the title attempt to convince us of our incomparable differences, there’s an unending pool of knowledge women can find in their male counterparts. No, it’s not located in their penis.

Sorry fellas.

Peeing In the Shower Isn’t Gross. Not only does it help with athlete’s foot for you active females, it also saves on groceries. Instead of hovering over a, probably freezing cold, seat and wasting toilet paper you know you can’t afford, just pee while shampooing your lovely locks. Don’t worry, your Herbal Essences “Hydralicious” will drown out the smell.

Everyone Hurts. While certain gut-wrenching situations can seem gender specific, they aren’t always. Don’t assume our male brethren cannot comprehend the depths of our painful pasts or…

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5 Ways Stoicism Can Make You A Better Entrepreneur

Thought Catalog

The philosophical school of Stoicism is, I believe, the perfect operating system for thriving in high-stress environments. For entrepreneurs, it’s a godsend.

Both Seneca and Marcus Aurelius have been extensively written about elsewhere. But what of Cato, about whom Dante said, “And what earthly man was more worthy to signify God than Cato?”

One of my favorite anecdotes of Cato is from Plutarch. I quote it often (see Practical Pessimism):

“Seeing the lightest and gayest purple was then most in fashion, he would always wear that which was the nearest black; and he would often go out of doors, after his morning meal, without either shoes or tunic; not that he sought vain-glory from such novelties, but he would accustom himself to be ashamed only of what deserves shame, and to despise all other sorts of disgrace.”

The following article was written by Rob Goodman and Jimmy Soni. At…

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